Monday, July 15, 2013

IZZY'S SUMMER TIPS



Back by popular demand, it’s me, Izzy Alvarez, star of the Chick Lit novel “In Need of Therapy.” Yeah, I know, my older sister, Pilar, is technically the lead in the book, but according to readers, I stole every scene I appeared in and now everyone is begging the author to write a sequel about yours truly. So, I think we can all agree I’m totally awesome and deserving of the title “Breakout Character.” As for that sequel, Tracie keeps saying that she’s “too busy” and she’s got other projects she needs to focus on – such a diva! At least since she’s otherwise engaged at the moment, she won’t notice that I’m hijacking her blog. I mean, hello, I have to give my poor, neglected fans (Tizzies? Fizzies?) their Izzy fix, don’t I?

I’m sure it will come as no surprise to anyone that my favorite time of year is summer. I love the scorching hot temps, the long, lazy days at the beach, and wearing as little clothing as possible. Having lived in Miami aka The Best Place to Be in the Summer all my life, I’ve picked up a few things that I thought I’d share.

1) Orange is a great color for sodas and sherbet and cute backless tops you steal out of your sister’s closet. But it is not, I repeat not, an acceptable skin color. So, stay away from all those drugstore self-tanners and don’t waste your money on a spray tan unless you want to end up looking like one of the Kardashians. If you aren’t able to get a gorgeous, natural tan like the one I sport from April to October, embrace your inner albino and own it.

2) Just because you’re old (over 30) or have had kids doesn’t mean you can’t still look sexy on the beach. Of course, you can’t wear a bikini anymore (Leave that to the hot, young things who have perky boobs and butts.), but you can rock a fabulous monokini (That’s what one-pieces are now being called according to Sara, my sister Pilar’s bathing suit designer BFF.) Choose a monokini that’s in keeping with one of this year’s trends (halternecks, one-shoulder designs, color-blocking) and for the love of Dios, stay away from solid black. You’re going to the pool or the beach, not a funeral! Live it up with jungle green, cobalt blue, coral, or fuchsia. (L to R: Norma Kamali ruched halterneck swimsuit $350, Tory Burch one-shoulder swimsuit $225, Karla Colletto Oasis color-block swimsuit $271.)


3) For the aforementioned hot, young things, I don’t need to tell you what type of bathing suit to wear to get attention or flatter your figure because you already know you look smokin’ in everything. I will advise you not to wear thongs. I know it’s tempting to show it off when you have an awe-inspiring booty, but unless you’re hitting the beaches in Rio, restrain yourself. Wearing a thong on a beach in Miami, or Maui, or Laguna will just get you propositioned by fat, old, hairy men who want to make you their “assistant.” Oh, and I also advise against wearing a bikini with a strapless top if you plan on going in the water. One powerful wave and that top is a goner, then you’re giving a peep show that no one’s paying you for.
 
4) Sex on the beach – not as much fun as it sounds. And it can get you arrested. Or so I’ve been told.
 

5) Get a pedicure! Please! Summer is sandal and flip-flop time, and you’ll just embarrass yourself if you have nasty, cracked heels or your corns haven’t been filed down. I know that nude and pastel polish colors are in this summer, but yawn! I think you should make a statement with your little piggies. Be flirty, be bold, be radical! Wear a neon blue or a glittery bronze, or try the ombre effect.



6) Summer is the perfect time for a steamy fling. So, if you have a boyfriend when the temperatures start to rise, dump him. Don’t worry - you can get him back in the fall once you’ve put a little spice back into your love life, preferably with someone who’s tall, tattooed, and allergic to shirts. Vacation flings are the best. I’ll never forget my first. I was 17 and I went with my family on a two-week trip to St. Croix, where I met island hottie, Raja. Or was it Naji? Whatever. The important thing is that we had an amazing time, including hot tub interludes, sandbar parties, and reggae concerts. When you’re on vacay, you’re away from the stresses of your daily life and you can relax and let loose. And the best part is you don’t have to fret that your holiday hook-up will get attached and become a nuisance since there’s an expiration date on your relationship!

Speaking of sexy studs, I’ve got one waiting for me at Bamboo, so I’ve gotta bail. Hope you have a blast this summer. I know I will! And remember, if you’re paying for your own mojitos, you’re doing something wrong.

Oh, yeah, if you haven’t already read In Need of Therapy, grab yourself a copy. It’s the kind of fun, fizzy book that you’ll enjoy reading while you’re working on your tan at the beach or pool. Adiós, Tizzies!


Book Blurb:  Lending a sympathetic ear and dispensing sage words of advice is all part of the job for psychologist Pilar Alvarez, and she’s everything a good therapist should be:  warm, compassionate, supportive. She listens, she cares, and she has all the answers, but how’s the woman everyone turns to in their hour of need supposed to cope when her own life starts to fall apart?

While working hard to make a success of her recently-opened practice in trendy South Beach, Pilar must also find time to cater to the demands of her boisterous Cuban family, which includes younger sister Izzy, an unemployed, navel-pierced wild child who can't stay out of trouble, and their mother, a beauty queen turned drama queen who’s equally obsessed with her fading looks and getting Pilar married before it’s “too late.” Although she’d like to oblige her mother and make a permanent love connection, Pilar’s romantic prospects look grim. Her cheating ex, who swears that he’s reformed, is stalking her. A hunky, but strictly off-limits, patient with bad-boy appeal and intimacy issues is making passes. And the sexy shrink in the suite across the hall has a gold band on his left ring finger.

When a series of personal and professional disasters lead Pilar into the arms of one of her unsuitable suitors, she's left shaken, confused, and full of self-doubt. With time running out, she must make sense of her feelings and learn to trust herself again so that she can save her business, her family, and most importantly, her heart. 


Buy In Need of Therapy:



21 comments:

  1. I love Izzy and her advice. I agree that everyone should have a pedi in the summer and not show off their heels that are so cracked you can light a match off of it.

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    1. Ha ha You're hilarious, Book Mama. Thanks for stopping by to check out my post and for agreeing with me. Obviously, you're a woman of exceptional intelligence. :)

      -Izzy

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  2. Embracing my inner--and outer--albino! Thanks for the tips, Izzy!

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    1. Sorry to hear about your lack of melatonin, Brea. That must be difficult for you. I hope you can find a support group.

      Glad you liked my tips! Have a great summer, and remember your SPF!

      -Izzy

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  3. I need more men who are allergic to shirts in my life. Nice to see you again, Izzy.

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    1. Is this the same Laura Chapman who called me a "leech" in her review of IN NEED OF THERAPY? Not cool, blogger lady, but I guess I can forgive you since you share my love of hot, shirtless men.

      -Izzy

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  4. Wonderful advice - except I'm well over 30 and still rock the bikini! (ok, maybe I don't "rock" it but I look pretty darn good for an old lady...) I'm going to plan my summer fling vacation right now since I'm single again and ready to play!

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    1. Sounds like you are some kind of awesome freak of nature, Meredith. Congrats! Be sure to come back and share all the sordid details of your summer fling with us. Happy man-hunting! :)

      -Izzy

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  5. Fun post, Izzy. As much as I'd like to get that $350 blue swimsuit, I think I'm going to just take your advice on the pedicure! Got my turquoise nail polish and I'm ready to show off my beachy toes!

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    1. Thanks, Jackie! Too bad about the bathing suit. Don't you have a rich man or parents you can manipulate (I mean, cajole) into giving you the money? A girl should never have to go without the important things in life.

      Have fun flaunting those turquoise toes at the beach! Don't be surprised if you get a few wolf whistles. ;)

      -Izzy

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    2. Ha! Pretty sure it was the last century when I got a wolf whistle! :)

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  6. Great advice Izzy! I just did my toes this morning, so they are sandal ready. But, I still refuse to wear a swimsuit. I'll need some of your exercise tips to be ready for one of those. And, I totally agree, I think you deserve your own book.

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    1. Exercise? What's that?

      Glad to hear that your feet are ready to wow, Janine. What color polish did you use? Something exciting, I hope!

      Keep harassing Tracie about giving me my own book. We have to wear her down eventually.

      -Izzy

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  7. Going to do my toes now! That pic of the "orange lady" is hilarious. Great to hear from Izzy again!

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    1. Hey, Sam, glad my post inspired you to do some foot-pampering. You've got to treat those little piggies right!

      I'm sorry to say that I've actually seen orange ladies who look like the one in the picture flouncing around Miami. They make me cringe!

      Thanks for dropping by! Have a fab summer!

      -Izzy

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  8. Loved your highjack, Izzy. You really do deserve another opportunity to shine in bookland. You are quite a character--literally and figuratively--or so I've been told!

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    1. I'm thinking that Tracie could write a whole series about me because I'm just that entertaining. Think of all the different careers I could try out and all the hearts I could break, all while making my trademark sassy comments. The books would be guaranteed bestsellers! If only Tracie shared my vision . . . SIGH

      Thanks for appreciating my awesomeness, Sharon!

      -Izzy

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    1. Thanks, Laura. So nice of you to pop in and take a look at my tips. Hope they'll be of use to this summer.

      -Izzy

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  10. I love Izzy! I definitely think she needs her own book! What a super fun post! I was having a discussion about spray tans with the office girls the other day. I'll be sure to let them know that we need to stay far away from the tan in a can! :)

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